The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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