Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
