yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
