He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize