Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
