i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
