So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize