i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
