9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
