We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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