So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
