What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
