I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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