My girlfriend figured out who you are.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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