If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
