just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
