Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
