i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
