I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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