u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
