that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize