sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
