SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
