We're facebook friends in real life
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
