I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
