so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
