I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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