never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
