Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
