her vagine was all disorganized.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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