So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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