My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Panties = found
Randomize
