I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize