and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
