just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
