I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize