The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
