I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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