I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
