Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
