Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
