This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
