I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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