You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize