she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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