she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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