Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
