why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize