I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
