Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
