i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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