Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
