I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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