Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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