Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
