I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
