i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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