For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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