Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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