I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
