i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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