I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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