I have demons in me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize