we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
