last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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